So I decided to start a blog to chronicle this wonderful, messed up journey I’ve been on because Facebook isn’t the place for everything & I’ve been wasting too much time playing games on my computer.  My life has been crazy for quite some time but this past year and change has been crazier by far.

The week before Christmas 2011, I was diagnosed with breast cancer for the SECOND time.  I was 44.  I was first diagnosed in August of 1995, at age 28, one month after giving birth to my second child (another boy).  I had my third child, a daughter, in 1998. BTW- I have no family history of breast cancer, I rarely drink, don’t smoke, and don’t have the breast cancer gene.

2011 was a pretty good year up until then.  I had been working like crazy. I had been a Captain with the NYPD for two years & really enjoyed my position (though it was very stressful).  OWS was in full force around NYC.  My eldest son was a freshman in college, my middle guy was a HS junior, and my daughter was in 8th grade.  My husband and I had been married over 21 years.

Because work was so crazy, I finally got around to getting my yearly Breast MRI in November.  My surgeon had been bugging me since August to get it done.  I had a mammogram and sonogram in February of 2011 & both were negative. Well a 1.1 cm mass was discovered in my right breast, on the MRI.  I scheduled  a needle biopsy since my radiologist didn’t seem too concerned.  (I had a needle biopsy of my left breast in June of 2011, and it was determined that I had  benign cysts).

As I already noted, I found out the week before Christmas that I had breast cancer…..again (TRIPLE NEGATIVE).  I tried to enjoy the holidays but it was difficult knowing that I was going to go through more surgery and that I may need chemotherapy..again.  My sisters, mother, cousin, and goddaughter took me out for Karaoke to try to take my mind off of the impending surgery (I love to sing).

On January 6, 2012 I had a skin sparing double mastectomy, with reconstruction.  I wouldn’t recommend it (the skin sparing part).  If you ever have a breast cancer diagnosis, get it all removed.  You’ll understand why I say this shortly.  I didn’t listen to the little voice in my head that said,  “Get rid of everything.  You don’t want to do this again!”  Instead, I listened to a doctor.  FYI- the injections for the sentinel node test hurt like crazy.

In February of 2012, I started my first of eight cycles of CMF.  My oncologist was thinking of using a regimen that included a taxane but one of the side effects is neuropathy & I already had issues resulting from work related herniated discs in my neck and back.  As my blood levels didn’t return to normal by three weeks after the first couple cycles, I started going for chemo once per month.  (In 1995-96, I had 6 cycles of FAC.  Adriamycin is very toxic to the heart, so my oncologist didn’t want to give me it again).

In July of 2012, right after my 7th cycle of chemo, I found two small lumps in my right breast in the area where my needle biopsy had been done.  I freaked out.  I called my surgeon and plastic surgeon to get an appointment.  My plastic surgeon was able to see me that day.  He gave me a prescription for a mammogram and sonogram and got me an appointment for both that same day.  I went to the woman’s imaging center and had the mammogram and sonogram.  The radiologist told me that the lumps were just lymph nodes and that I had nothing to worry about.  A couple days later, the family went on vacation.  We were away for a few weeks.  The day after we came home, I had an appointment for my 8th cycle of chemotherapy.  I had developed a cough while on vacation so my doctor wanted to wait a week before administering my final chemo.  As an afterthought, I told him about the lumps and mentioned what the radiologist said.  My oncologist recommended that I see my surgeon.

I had my 8th cycle of chemo the following week and my appointment with the surgeon the following day.  My surgeon was reading the radiologist’s report and stated that the radiologist noted that I had one lymph node.  I had felt two distinct lumps and told the surgeon so.  I had also seen two lumps on the sonogram so I didn’t understand why the report only mentioned one.  The surgeon felt the area & stated that we could keep an eye on the lumps or remove them.  I opted for removal, which was done the following day in the surgeon’s office. (The quicker the better because by the following week, my blood count would be low from the chem0).  The lumps looked like two little pearls.  The surgeon didn’t think they looked bad.

A week later, on August 22nd, I went back to the surgeon for a follow-up.  I thought everything was OK because I hadn’t heard anything from him.  (After the needle biopsy in November, he called me as soon as he got the results of the biopsy).  It wasn’t OK.  I found out that both lumps were cancer.  To say I was fu**ing pissed would be an understatement.  The lumps could have been removed a full month before had I known they were bad!  The cancer was identical to the December pathology, except that I was actually slightly estrogen positive (Further testing revealed that I was still Triple Negative. Crap!).  My surgeon & oncologist and other doctors that I have seen feel this THIRD cancer was cells that were left in the needle track during the needle biopsy in December.  Damn it! Had I had a regular mastectomy, of the non skin sparing variety, this area would have been removed and I probably wouldn’t be dealing with this crap again.  Or I would have had radiation.  But doctors don’t like to re-radiate an area & I had radiation 17 years prior.  

I thought I was going to go back to work shortly.  Instead, I was going to have more surgery, radiation (I thought doctors didn’t like to re-radiate!!), and additional chemotherapy! Ugh………………..to be continued…..