Pomp and circumstance

June 23, 2013 by capnmcfish7

I went to a family reunion last Saturday. It was nice seeing everybody but by 5 pm, I was exhausted. I can do without the fatigue. It makes me feel less than normal.

Sunday I did the readings at the 10:30 mass. Even though my hair is growing in, I wore a fedora. Charles recommended that I dye my hair to cover the gray as I’ve been unhappy about my appearance (one breast, an extra 20 pounds, etc) and I was unhappy with the result. You would think it would be easy to dye very short hair. Not! I felt like I was coloring my scalp instead of my hair, so some spots were missed. I probably should have gone with dark brown but decided to go for auburn. Hey, it’s something different. By Thursday, my hair was looking halfway decent, so the hat came off. Also, it was too damn hot for a hat. By Friday, I was liking the color.

Monday was spent cleaning the house. It definitely looks much nicer when it’s clean.

I had chemo on Tuesday. Xavier brought me. Charles was working on some things at home. It went OK. The nurse was able to get blood from my port. I took a deep breath and held it! Hopefully that trick will work again next week. I appreciate not having to have my left arm poked for blood draws. The whole ordeal took around 4 hours and change. Xavier and I just hung out together and played video games/read on our respective electronic devices. I was queasy for a couple of days after.

On Thursday, I saw the Police Department surgeon. I see him again on July 25th. He is anxious to get me back to work. Hopefully chemo will be done on July 16th and I will go back to work (light duty). I have time built up so I will probably start working just a few days a week and build myself up. Eventually I will have to go for additional surgery, but I don’t want to consider surgery until after we go on vacation in August. I’d like to have a nice time away & not spend my time recuperating from yet another surgery. I need a break (as does the rest of the family).

On Friday, I took a nice bike ride on a trail nearby. I went from Chester to Goshen, where I stopped and picked up a bike helmet and some water and put some air in my front tire. It was a gorgeous day. I made it back to Chester, (my ass was killing me by then), and discovered that my front tire was flat. Thank God I made it and I didn’t have to walk my bicycle back. I then had to take my bike to another bike shop to get the flat fixed. My body is still hurting from the ride. Real bike riding is definitely different from riding a stationary bicycle (even one that inclines and declines so I can “ride” the Tour de France-Steroids Not included). (See Dr. W, I didn’t involve my chest muscles in my workout… at least not that much, just every other part of my body).

Christian graduated today (now yesterday). The weather was beautiful (though a bit hot). We brought a canopy to the outside ceremony so we didn’t have to sit in the sun. I was still exhausted by the time the graduation was done, probably due to a combination of my aching body and the heat. We all then went out for lunch. It was nice. It will be sad when Christian leaves for school. I vegged out when we got home. I couldn’t sleep though. Too achy. We can’t do a graduation party yet so maybe we’ll have a going away party for him instead.

……Hours later……I’m exhausted and I can’t sleep! Damn neuropathy in my right lower leg, foot, and toes (not to mention the pain and itching in my right shoulder and breast area and the pain under my fingernails). And Damn you Taxotere! Your side affects are driving me nuts. I just took an over the counter sleep medicine. I hope it works. Since I didn’t stay asleep, I stepped outside and took a look at “Super moon“. It was definitely super.

Crew, Chemo, and Curls?

June 5, 2013 by capnmcfish7

I’m sitting on my couch, feeling nauseous, having hot and cold flashes, my face tingling, watching Long Island Medium, and pondering life? after death. I don’t ponder often but I definitely ponder enough. I think that many people who face cancer do the same. When you die do you really hang around and watch over your loved ones? Is that heaven? I guess it would be nice seeing how your family was doing, but bizarre because they are doing it without you. Parts of the show are making me teary eyed. Why do I torture myself?

I had a nice week without chemo (until today that is).

Two weeks ago Christian, Xavier, Gillian, and I went to the Police Self Support Group Dinner Dance. Christian received a scholarship. I had a nice time, though I was very tired. It was the day after chemo, I went for acupuncture and I barely slept. I have some great friends in the PSSG. They help so many people. I really need to get back to the meetings. They’ve help me a lot. I also meet with a group of women I met in a local church who all have or have had cancer. The support I receive is wonderful.

On the 28th, Charles and I went to Chris’ crew race. The day was rainy and crappy but he was able to race. His boat came in 2nd. (I think it was the Orange/Ulster Championship. On June 1st, Chris had his last crew race as a high school student. It was a close race, but his boat came in 2nd. We had a nice time. It was a beautiful sunny day!

On the 30th, I went with Christian and Gillian to the HS awards night ceremony. Gillian got the Geometry award and Christian got the Physics award (for having the highest average in these subjects). I am so proud. Gillian was shocked. When I looked through the program and saw the various awards that were being given, I told her that she was getting the geometry award. She stated that there were a bunch of people who were smarter then she was. Apparently not in geometry!

On the 31st, I saw Dr. W, my plastic surgeon. I was still concerned about my scar but he told me that it is healing nicely. He also stated that he would be removing the scar anyway, so I shouldn’t worry. He also removed over 50 cc’s of clear, yellowish fluid. I see him again in a month or sooner if I need more fluid removed. I already have fluid accumulating and it hasn’t even been a week. I’ll probably be back in another week or so. I’m not sure when we will start the reconstruction again. My skin needs to heal some more first.

I started working out a bit. Charles finished fixing the basement and I have access to my stationary bike. I used it for 3 days now. My lungs weren’t liking it so much the first day. I was doing a little better by day three. Eventually I want to lose about 20 lbs. I didn’t work out today. Chemo was a 5 hour affair again. The nurse couldn’t get blood from my port again. So we tried all the tricks again and none worked. The nurse had to get blood from my right arm. Not fun. She had to dig around a bit to get blood. I HATE THAT! My blood work was fine as were my vitals (blood pressure, temperature, etc).

Yesterday and today, my allergies have been kicking my ass. My eyes have been so itchy and my asthma has been bothering me a bit. Claritin and Benadryl anyone? Xavier took me to my appointment today. It was nice spending time with my oldest child, even though we did our own thing. He had his laptop and I had my Kindle but it was nice just having him around. I miss him when he is away at school. He bought me dinner after. Not feeling it now though. I feel like puking. I took some meds. They took the edge off but I still feel crappy. I actually slept a bit during chemo. The chemo room was so cold. I wrapped myself up in blankets and put a bandanna on my head to keep warm. A woman getting chemo asked where I got the great scarf. I told her that my sister made it and showed it to her. I also told her to check the American Cancer Society’s TLC website as they have lots of head scarves and bandannas. Of course they won’t have the personal touch. Evelyn, your work has been appreciated.

I haven’t been wearing anything much on my head lately because it has been too hot. I’m also starting to let my hair grow in. There are few thinning patches but they aren’t too bad. I’ve also have a lot of gray. Charles said I should color my hair because that might make me feel better, but I’m afraid the chemicals will make the little bit I have fall out. I’ll wait another month or so. I’m not sure what the texture will be like. The first time I lost my hair from chemo, it came back dark and curly. My eyelashes are thinning. I’m not thrilled.

I’m starting to get tired but I don’t think I’ll get much sleep. Still feeling crappy. My left leg is tingling now as well as my face! Oh joy. I can’t wait until all of this is done. It’s been a long year and a half and despite my first paragraph, I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.

I know this is not at all related but I was working on my garden this week (weeding). Can someone explain how my beautiful orange gladioli and purple irises changed into white irises? I had such beautiful colorful flowers and they seem to have disappeared. The white irises are pretty but they lack color and I love colorful flowers. Charles fixed the porch (the supporting beams for the overhang were rotting and he replaced them). We bought a few rose bushes and other colorful bushes and placed them on the porch, near my hammock. I bought a few flowers and tomato plants that I still need to transplant. But what happened to my gladioli?

Happy Birthday Evelyn!

Mothers, kids, and chemo!

May 16, 2013 by capnmcfish7

Once again I am trying to type this on my iPad during chemo, but the iPad keeps wigging out. Sometimes the keypad works and sometimes not. Xavier showed me how to use the “talk to type” but there is too much background noise and I am getting some crazy sentences!! Oh well…back to Candy Crush, Chickcoop (Damn it Jackie. It’s all your fault. LOL), and Words With Friends. I can’t get anything productive done.

I went down to the city and saw Dr. G last Thursday. He is my main medical oncologist. (But first a stop at the precinct to see the new CO-but she was out & second, to stop at “Tea and Sympathy” to see my friends, Nicky and Sean, and for a delicious lunch…Scones with clotted cream, salad, and delicious iced tea. . I told Dr. G about the allergic reaction I had to the Taxotere last Monday. He stated that I will have to get more steroid and Benadryl for future infusions. He checked all my blood work and examined me. He said everything looked good and we should keep on with the course of chemo. My right shoulder, right elbow, and wrist are still hurting. Apparently I have a lot of scar tissue under my arm. It must be doing something to a nerve. I have numbness in my middle finger. I also have a pain in one spot in my back. I’ve had it since the double mastectomy. If you were to draw a line from my scar, around to my back, that’s where the pain would be. This may also be nerve related. Damn scar tissue and effected nerves! The pain in my elbow went away for a few days, but came back. Ugh!

I was supposed to go up to Saratoga Springs for the weekend with Charles and Christian, so mom came up on Friday morning to watch Gillian, so we could head up to Saratoga by 1 or 2 pm. Christian had a crew tournament, starting very early Saturday morning. He rows in an 8 man boat. This is Chris’ first season participating in crew. He was already one of the faster members of the team. (I’m so proud!) However, Gillian had the “freshman formal” Friday night. She seemed a little down Thursday night because she didn’t like the dress she was originally going to wear, so Charles & I decided that I would stay home and help Gillian get ready. I had been helping her straighten her hair Thursday evening (a two-hour job at minimum).

Mom accompanied me to Dr. W’s Friday morning. I arrived at his office wearing the cool hat/long earrings look. Dr. W smirked and said, Nice Hat!” I think the man likes busting my chops. That’s OK, because I give as well as I get. Dr. W removed the stitches and placed some steri-strips on the scar. I am hoping the lovely scar doesn’t tear again. I have been very good about not stretching the area too far.

Mom and I went for a nice lunch at “Charlotte’s Tea Room” . I love that place. The staff is great. (The day after my last surgery, they were closed for a private party though I didn’t know this, but they still put together a lunch for me when Charles went over there!) The scones are scrumptious. Mom and I had the Mary’s grandmother’s secret recipe artichoke pie. Delicious! Mom and I picked Gillian up from school & took Gillian to get a manicure and pedicure. One hour before she had to be at her friend Matt’s house, we were at “Style Counsel” and I bought Gillian a dress (the 2nd one she tried on). We came home, did some finishing touches on her hair and make-up, she got dressed and we left for Matt’s. We took a couple of pictures and then followed Matt’s mom to the next house, where more pictures were taken. I was glad that I stayed home with her. She was very happy and told me so more than once. (The dress definitely helped). I was starting to get tired so mom and I headed back home. I definitely did too much that day. I put my feet up, iced up my chest, and relaxed. Gillian got home after 10 pm. She had a great time. (I knew she would). She said she danced the whole night.

Mom stayed over Friday night. I was going to go up to Saratoga on Saturday afternoon. If Chris’ boat made the finals, he would race again on Sunday. Charles called about 11 am. Unfortunately Chris’ boat was disqualified for interference (not yielding to a boat that was overtaking them). I felt really bad for him and his team. They had been working hard all year for this big race and it ended prematurely. From what Chris told me later (if this is wrong, I probably mis-remembered again), that because there were so many boats, there were staggered starts. There were 4 lanes on the lake, but the rowers were only using the two middle lanes. If another boat was close behind, they were supposed to steer to one of the outer lanes. The rowers on Chris’ team were never told to move so the boat coming from behind had to move to the outer lane to avoid a collision. Because they were disqualified instead of excluded, the crew could not participate in any other races. They were done for the weekend. Christian’s team had only participated in one race prior to the NYS finals in Saratoga, because of poor weather and water conditions. The one race they did participate in, his team came in second place. Since the weather up in Saratoga Springs was absolutely shitty and Chris wasn’t going to be participating in any other races, Charles said he and Christian were going to leave Saratoga early on Sunday (we had booked the hotel for two nights). They would be home for Mother’s Day. Mom went home a couple hours later, after stopping at Gillian and Christian’s dancing school (North East Dance Movement), to pick up tickets to the recital.

Chris at Crew

After I hung up the phone with Charles, I spent the next 15 minutes looking up the rules for US Rowing (http://www.usrowing.org) . I couldn’t find any information regarding who was supposed to move the boat in the situation aboe. I did find Rule 2-204, Interference or Foul. It states that the referee is supposed to instruct the offending boat to move, if it has left its own water. The referee can also use a white flag. I don’t know if any of this occurred. I’ve got to talk to Chris again.

Mother’s Day was lovely. Gillian made me different colored pancakes for breakfast. I ate the pink and purple pancakes. I gave Gillian the blue pancake, and Chris ate the yellowish pancake. Christian bought me lovely flowers. Gillian and I went to church (where we saw and congratulated her friend Shannon. Her 4 person crew team came in second place in the novice category at the NYS Finals). We picked up some flowers at the Mother’s Day plant sale and headed home. Christian tried to explain the Saratoga fiasco. He drew me a map of the course, while I worked on trying to get all my medical bills together so I can submit them in order to get money from my Healthcare Flexible Spending Account. Charles and Christian made a delicious dinner of porterhouse steak, asparagus, corn on the cob, and potatoes. Way too much food. I couldn’t finish the steak & I didn’t eat a potato. Lucky CJ…she got a bone! I spent some time weeding my garden, but I could do only so much with my right arm bothering me and dirt getting wedged under the nails of my left hand (and I still haven’t picked up gardening gloves)!

Monday I went to acupuncture again. I wore yoga pants this time. So Dr. S put a bunch of needles in my legs in addition to the needles that she puts in my arm, ears, face, and the crapload she puts in my almost bald head. I am very sensitive. Every time she put a needle in my head, I got a tingly shock running down my spine. She covered me with a silver “space” blanket and I relaxed to the soothing music. I then stopped at Kohl’s to return the blender I had purchased. I discovered a crack in the blender on the day I bought it. I’m back to using the juicer/blender combo for my smoothies. It works, there is just more to clean.

On Tuesday I had lunch at my friend Jackie’s house. I had a great time catching up. It’s crazy. We grew up together in Staten Island, both moved off the island and we live within a half hour of each other. But life is so busy for both of us, that we haven’t seen each other in months. It’s hard to find time when dealing with all the drama that surrounds a cancer diagnosis. I see my doctors more than I see my family and friends. Another of our friends was recently diagnosed with oral cancer. I would love to go see her, but at this point in time, I can only text her, message her, and I referred her to a friend who also had oral cancer. I hope it helps. When I got home, Charles and Xavier were back from Philadelphia. It was good to see Xavier. We last saw him on Easter (just for the day). Gillian and I also took CJ to the vet. CJ had blood in her urine. We thought she had a urinary tract infection, the vet agreed and gave us antibiotics to give to CJ. CJ seems to be doing better. She stopped peeing in the house (Thank God!)

Today (now yesterday), I had chemotherapy. Xavier came with me. The chemo went well. Dr. D was on vacation so I was examined by Dr. P. When I told him about my allergic reaction last week, he seemed concerned and was wary about giving me more Taxotere, even after I told him that the Benadryl worked well. He suggested possibly switching with Abraxane. I told him that Dr. G wasn’t too concerned when I told him about the allergic reaction, so I gave Dr. P, Dr. G’s cell phone number. Dr. P left Dr. G a voicemail. I texted Dr. G as well. Dr. P went to see if they had any Abraxane on site. I didn’t want my chemo to be delayed if we were going to go that route. When he came back, he told me that Abraxane caused increased neuropathy. Thanks, but No Thanks. I’ve already got enough neuropathy. Dr. P told me that he spoke with the nurses and he was more comfortable with the Taxotere. I would be given the steroid infusion, then the Benadryl infusion and then a Zantac infusion. When all that was complete, I would be given the Taxotere over two hours instead of one. I went back to the chemo area, grabbed a couple packs of Honey Maid Grahams, a Nature Valley granola bar, and a ginger ale, found a cubby and grabbed a recliner, kicked off my All Stars, and waited. (I don’t know why this paragraph is now italicized and I tried fixing it without success).

Nurse G came in to the cubicle. She is one of my favorites! She got me prepped, and accessed my medi-port. I tried to keep talking because last week, she was able to get blood from my port without a problem, when I excitedly told my surgery story. It didn’t work so well this time. She flushed my port with a few syringes of saline. She then tried to get blood return. She got a little blood & then it stopped. She flushed my port with a few more syringes of saline. She got blood return & then it stopped. I went to the waiting room and got Xavier. He had dropped me off and stopped at the mall to pick up a video game and get a haircut (the mall is very close to the infusion center). She then tried the saline infusion route. 10 minutes of saline running through my port. She she came back, she got blood return and was able to fill the vials for my blood tests……I waited for the blood test results. She started running the steroid and Kytril infusion. Next up was the Benadryl, followed by the Zantac. I was then hooked up to the Taxotere. With all this fluid running through me (along with the ginger ale, hot tea, and iced tea I was drinking), I must have hit the bathroom about five or six times! Xavier and I listened to some music, played some games (Chickcoop, Jackie), and talked. He told me that he was going to take me to the rest of my chemo appointments to give Dad a break. Isn’t he wonderful. I love my kids. I guess Charles and I did something right. Approximately two hours after the Taxotere started, I was done. A nurse (not G) came and removed my port, I went to the bathroom..again, then Xavier and I left to head home.

We were going to go from chemo to Greenwood Lake for Christian’s crew race. But, guess what…..it was canceled because the water was too choppy! Poor kid can’t catch a break. Christian wants to take up crew when he goes to SUNY-Maritime and we are hoping that he will have some good showings in some races. I think his team only has two races left for the season.

Gillian and Christian went to Hip Hop dance class, Gillian taught Tae Kwon Do for an hour as well (NorthEastern Martial Arts), I did some reading, Xavier went food shopping, Charles and I watched the second episode of the first season of “Dexter” (Hi David!), Gillian and Christian went to bed, Charles went to bed, I worked on this blog (I have a very hard time sleeping on chemo days), Xavier went to bed, and now I am going to try to sleep. I have to be up in about 1 1/2 hours because I have to see the Police Department doctor at 7 am. (I feel like I live at doctor’s offices).

Goodnight!

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