It’s Not all Brown and White usually it’s just Blue

June 26, 2013 by capnmcfish7

A box of Cheerios breakfast cereal. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This will be short and sweet… I was thinking about the Cheerios commercial yet again. I also thought about all my years with the NYPD and all the friends I have made. I realized a long time ago that most cops are color blind when it comes to other cops. There is no black, white, brown, tan, yellow, red, or pancake. There is only BLUE and that is how it should be. I’ve seen first hand how cops come together when a cop is injured, sick, or in trouble. Cops are always there for their BROTHER and SISTER officers. We are a big family.

Maybe life would be better if we were all BLUE!

English: NYPD Dodge Charger #2909 in midtown Manhattan. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Little Pink Houses

June 25, 2013 by capnmcfish7

I’m sitting here at chemo with Xavier. Once again the nurse was able to get blood return from my port so my arm was spared. Thank God for small miracles. The neuropathy continues to be a problem. I can’t sleep. The numbness, tingling, and pain continue to keep me awake, as do the non-stop thoughts that run through my mind. Unisom doesn’t help at all. My right breast continues to fill up with fluid. I see Dr. W on Friday, if not sooner. He will probably remove about 100 cc’s this time.

I got some nice news yesterday. Back in April I saw an article in a magazine that mentioned a website that caters to breast cancer patients/survivors. The website is breastcancerfreebies.com. This website is exactly what it sounds like, a place where people affected by breast cancer can find freebies such as wigs, mammograms, scholarships, lymphedema sleeves, retreats, and financial assistance. I found a retreat that I thought looked interesting: little pink houses of hope.

Little Pink Houses provides FREE week-long beach retreats in private homes in North and South Carolina for breast cancer patients and their immediate families. The aim is to promote recovery and reconnection in a relaxing environment. Meals are served in a common area with other families. Activities include fishing, yoga and parasailing. Babysitting is provided so parents can have a date night. Click Here, or call 336-213-4733.

I applied for one of the retreats that same day. I then forgot about it until a week or so ago. I figured if we had been accepted, we would have been notified in early June. Well, yesterday, I received a call and the woman informed me that my family had been accepted. I guess we were on the wait list. One of the families that had been accepted had to cancel. We will be going to Emerald Isle, NC for a week this summer. I am excited. We could definitely use the break. According to the woman I spoke with, all of the families get their own houses for the week. The house is stocked with breakfast food and some snacks. Lunch and dinner is usually with the other families. There are also activities that the families do together. It will be nice to be with people who are going through the same things that you are. In past retreats, the activities included kayaking, sailing, fishing, hang gliding, golf, stand up paddle boarding, massages, etc. It looks like a lot of fun. The only expense to the families is the cost of getting to the location. We will probably drive down to North Carolina and maybe visit some family on the way.

This morning I did 35 minutes on my stationary bike (the Tour de France model). I did a part of stage 2. I didn’t have time to finish the stage because I had to get to my appointment. I think I’ve only ever done Stage 1, Stage 2, and Stage 3 (not at one sitting, my butt would be hamburger). In one of my last posts I joked that steroids aren’t included but I realized later that I do take steroids. Every week. Unfortunately they are the kind that PLUMP YOU UP. They don’t PUMP YOU UP. When all this is done, I’d love to get rid of the spare tire that has been developing in my stomach area. Damn you steroids. I always had some junk in the trunk but my stomach was always pretty flat, even after 3 kids.

Just finished up with chemo. The needle has been removed. We are heading home. Later!

PS- Family- that date that I mentioned as a possible going away party for Chris, it isn’t going to happen. We will be heading home from North Carolina.

It’s not all brown and white

June 23, 2013 by capnmcfish7

I know this has absolutely nothing to do with my cancer and chemo story but since I also discuss my family in this blog, I had to comment on the Cheerios commercial with the interracial couple (and the very adorable little girl). Apparently there has been backlash against this commercial. Really? It’s 2013. When will things change?

I remember when I was dating my husband over 22 years ago and the negative comments that we received from both white people and Hispanics (never our families though). Some people (white) would give me advice that included telling me that “all Puerto Rican men cheat on their women” and other stereotypical nonsense like that. Hispanic women would confront my husband and ask if Hispanic women weren’t good enough for him and why was he seeing a white girl.

When my children were young and I was out alone with them, I got a lot of stares. People asked if my children were mine????? Yes, I gave birth to the three of them. No, they don’t look much like me (not a green eyed, fair skinned one in the bunch), but they are a part of me and I love them. About a year ago, I was out with my daughter (who is now 15) and a woman approached us, stated that my daughter was beautiful and she had beautiful hair (I agree) and then asked if Gillian was my daughter. Can’t you see the resemblance? LOL. She may not look like me, but she is very much like me.

When Xavier was a young child , he came home from school and asked me what color he was. Instead of answering, I asked what color he thought he was. Xavier answered by saying that he was “pancake colored” and that was and still is the perfect answer. It’s not all brown and white! I couldn’t have come up with anything better.

My son Christian is dating a girl who is also mixed race. It’s great to see. Every time I see an interracial couple, I smile. I always thought that the easiest way to end racism was for more interracial couples to marry and have beautiful mixed race children who would hopefully love all of their parts and not be taught to hate any part of themselves. My husband and I taught our children to love themselves and not to judge others based on what is outside but what is inside and based on their wide circle of friends, I think they’ve learned well.

I have just one more comment on the Cheerios commercial. It would have been nice to have seen “mom and dad” together in the commercial. Or can the majority of America not handle that?

Check out this cool website http://wearethe15percent.com/

Pomp and circumstance

June 23, 2013 by capnmcfish7

I went to a family reunion last Saturday. It was nice seeing everybody but by 5 pm, I was exhausted. I can do without the fatigue. It makes me feel less than normal.

Sunday I did the readings at the 10:30 mass. Even though my hair is growing in, I wore a fedora. Charles recommended that I dye my hair to cover the gray as I’ve been unhappy about my appearance (one breast, an extra 20 pounds, etc) and I was unhappy with the result. You would think it would be easy to dye very short hair. Not! I felt like I was coloring my scalp instead of my hair, so some spots were missed. I probably should have gone with dark brown but decided to go for auburn. Hey, it’s something different. By Thursday, my hair was looking halfway decent, so the hat came off. Also, it was too damn hot for a hat. By Friday, I was liking the color.

Monday was spent cleaning the house. It definitely looks much nicer when it’s clean.

I had chemo on Tuesday. Xavier brought me. Charles was working on some things at home. It went OK. The nurse was able to get blood from my port. I took a deep breath and held it! Hopefully that trick will work again next week. I appreciate not having to have my left arm poked for blood draws. The whole ordeal took around 4 hours and change. Xavier and I just hung out together and played video games/read on our respective electronic devices. I was queasy for a couple of days after.

On Thursday, I saw the Police Department surgeon. I see him again on July 25th. He is anxious to get me back to work. Hopefully chemo will be done on July 16th and I will go back to work (light duty). I have time built up so I will probably start working just a few days a week and build myself up. Eventually I will have to go for additional surgery, but I don’t want to consider surgery until after we go on vacation in August. I’d like to have a nice time away & not spend my time recuperating from yet another surgery. I need a break (as does the rest of the family).

On Friday, I took a nice bike ride on a trail nearby. I went from Chester to Goshen, where I stopped and picked up a bike helmet and some water and put some air in my front tire. It was a gorgeous day. I made it back to Chester, (my ass was killing me by then), and discovered that my front tire was flat. Thank God I made it and I didn’t have to walk my bicycle back. I then had to take my bike to another bike shop to get the flat fixed. My body is still hurting from the ride. Real bike riding is definitely different from riding a stationary bicycle (even one that inclines and declines so I can “ride” the Tour de France-Steroids Not included). (See Dr. W, I didn’t involve my chest muscles in my workout… at least not that much, just every other part of my body).

Christian graduated today (now yesterday). The weather was beautiful (though a bit hot). We brought a canopy to the outside ceremony so we didn’t have to sit in the sun. I was still exhausted by the time the graduation was done, probably due to a combination of my aching body and the heat. We all then went out for lunch. It was nice. It will be sad when Christian leaves for school. I vegged out when we got home. I couldn’t sleep though. Too achy. We can’t do a graduation party yet so maybe we’ll have a going away party for him instead.

……Hours later……I’m exhausted and I can’t sleep! Damn neuropathy in my right lower leg, foot, and toes (not to mention the pain and itching in my right shoulder and breast area and the pain under my fingernails). And Damn you Taxotere! Your side affects are driving me nuts. I just took an over the counter sleep medicine. I hope it works. Since I didn’t stay asleep, I stepped outside and took a look at “Super moon“. It was definitely super.

And so it goes…….

June 14, 2013 by capnmcfish7

Ugh! I’m feeling crappy. Son #2 gave me his cold. I’ve been fighting it for over a week. My sinuses are bugging me. I was supposed to get chemo yesterday but it was a NO GO. Blood tests revealed that my liver enzymes were high. As per the doctor, this could have been caused from the cold virus I’ve been fighting. Or, as Nurse G said, it could also have been caused from Tylenol. She recommended I take Advil or any other non-acetaminophen containing pain reliever. I hadn’t taken any Tylenol, but I had taken NyQuil Sinus. When I came home, I checked the ingredients in NyQuil Sinus. The first is acetaminophen.

I was really upset. I am coming so close to the end of chemo and I just want to get it over with. I don’t like when chemo is pushed. It just prolongs the crap. The appointment actually started out good. Nurse G was able to get blood return from my port. I only had to hold my breathe to the point of almost passing out for each tube she had to fill with blood! But I didn’t have to get stuck in my arm for the first time in a couple weeks.

Since I had no chemo, I called Dr. W’s office to make an appointment. More fluid was accumulating in my right breast. He saw me about an hour after I called and removed another 55 cc’s of yellow tinged fluid. I’m hoping my body will start absorbing the fluid instead of me having to see the doctor every week or so to have the fluid removed. My scar still looks horrible, but Dr. W once again told me not to worry because he will be removing the scar at some point in the future. I want to wait for my skin to heal some more before I have any more surgery.

I had an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. G last Thursday. Dr. G wants me to do the complete course of chemo given my history and my bad luck (so I should have the two treatments I missed from month four when my breast got infected). I told him that Dr. W had removed 50 cc’s of fluid the week prior. Dr. G examined me and stated that Dr. W would probably have to remove 50 cc’s more. (He was close). I asked why my body wasn’t absorbing the fluid. He told me that with all the surgeries and scar tissue I had, it isn’t surprising that the fluid wasn’t being absorbed.

I was so looking forward to being done and moving on with my life. I was trying to plan Christian’s High School Graduation Party. I planned on having the get together in July but with chemo pushed back, it was looking like August but he leaves for school on the 11th. It looks like the party isn’t going to happen. We’ll do something small instead. I was also looking forward to getting back to work. I miss all my friends and co-workers in the city. I miss being productive. I miss being ME!

Crew, Chemo, and Curls?

June 5, 2013 by capnmcfish7

I’m sitting on my couch, feeling nauseous, having hot and cold flashes, my face tingling, watching Long Island Medium, and pondering life? after death. I don’t ponder often but I definitely ponder enough. I think that many people who face cancer do the same. When you die do you really hang around and watch over your loved ones? Is that heaven? I guess it would be nice seeing how your family was doing, but bizarre because they are doing it without you. Parts of the show are making me teary eyed. Why do I torture myself?

I had a nice week without chemo (until today that is).

Two weeks ago Christian, Xavier, Gillian, and I went to the Police Self Support Group Dinner Dance. Christian received a scholarship. I had a nice time, though I was very tired. It was the day after chemo, I went for acupuncture and I barely slept. I have some great friends in the PSSG. They help so many people. I really need to get back to the meetings. They’ve help me a lot. I also meet with a group of women I met in a local church who all have or have had cancer. The support I receive is wonderful.

On the 28th, Charles and I went to Chris’ crew race. The day was rainy and crappy but he was able to race. His boat came in 2nd. (I think it was the Orange/Ulster Championship. On June 1st, Chris had his last crew race as a high school student. It was a close race, but his boat came in 2nd. We had a nice time. It was a beautiful sunny day!

On the 30th, I went with Christian and Gillian to the HS awards night ceremony. Gillian got the Geometry award and Christian got the Physics award (for having the highest average in these subjects). I am so proud. Gillian was shocked. When I looked through the program and saw the various awards that were being given, I told her that she was getting the geometry award. She stated that there were a bunch of people who were smarter then she was. Apparently not in geometry!

On the 31st, I saw Dr. W, my plastic surgeon. I was still concerned about my scar but he told me that it is healing nicely. He also stated that he would be removing the scar anyway, so I shouldn’t worry. He also removed over 50 cc’s of clear, yellowish fluid. I see him again in a month or sooner if I need more fluid removed. I already have fluid accumulating and it hasn’t even been a week. I’ll probably be back in another week or so. I’m not sure when we will start the reconstruction again. My skin needs to heal some more first.

I started working out a bit. Charles finished fixing the basement and I have access to my stationary bike. I used it for 3 days now. My lungs weren’t liking it so much the first day. I was doing a little better by day three. Eventually I want to lose about 20 lbs. I didn’t work out today. Chemo was a 5 hour affair again. The nurse couldn’t get blood from my port again. So we tried all the tricks again and none worked. The nurse had to get blood from my right arm. Not fun. She had to dig around a bit to get blood. I HATE THAT! My blood work was fine as were my vitals (blood pressure, temperature, etc).

Yesterday and today, my allergies have been kicking my ass. My eyes have been so itchy and my asthma has been bothering me a bit. Claritin and Benadryl anyone? Xavier took me to my appointment today. It was nice spending time with my oldest child, even though we did our own thing. He had his laptop and I had my Kindle but it was nice just having him around. I miss him when he is away at school. He bought me dinner after. Not feeling it now though. I feel like puking. I took some meds. They took the edge off but I still feel crappy. I actually slept a bit during chemo. The chemo room was so cold. I wrapped myself up in blankets and put a bandanna on my head to keep warm. A woman getting chemo asked where I got the great scarf. I told her that my sister made it and showed it to her. I also told her to check the American Cancer Society’s TLC website as they have lots of head scarves and bandannas. Of course they won’t have the personal touch. Evelyn, your work has been appreciated.

I haven’t been wearing anything much on my head lately because it has been too hot. I’m also starting to let my hair grow in. There are few thinning patches but they aren’t too bad. I’ve also have a lot of gray. Charles said I should color my hair because that might make me feel better, but I’m afraid the chemicals will make the little bit I have fall out. I’ll wait another month or so. I’m not sure what the texture will be like. The first time I lost my hair from chemo, it came back dark and curly. My eyelashes are thinning. I’m not thrilled.

I’m starting to get tired but I don’t think I’ll get much sleep. Still feeling crappy. My left leg is tingling now as well as my face! Oh joy. I can’t wait until all of this is done. It’s been a long year and a half and despite my first paragraph, I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.

I know this is not at all related but I was working on my garden this week (weeding). Can someone explain how my beautiful orange gladioli and purple irises changed into white irises? I had such beautiful colorful flowers and they seem to have disappeared. The white irises are pretty but they lack color and I love colorful flowers. Charles fixed the porch (the supporting beams for the overhang were rotting and he replaced them). We bought a few rose bushes and other colorful bushes and placed them on the porch, near my hammock. I bought a few flowers and tomato plants that I still need to transplant. But what happened to my gladioli?